2025

3/25 - slept a lot this weekend so dreamt a lot but didn’t write anything down about it. Last night I did have a dream that I almost remembered….. OH. It was that my mom was getting rid of a pair of shoes of mine & said “well I promised them to a friend’s daughter” & I said “but they’re my shoes & I still wear them…”

3/16 - it has been interesting to become a man who dreams lately. This time I made a move with someone I had previously flirted with irl & we kept trying to get started but kept getting interrupted. In the end we said “another time” which was cute. He was very tender in my dream which I don’t know if he is in real life

3/14 - remembered my dream like 3hrs after I woke up but have forgotten it again now. Before I went to bed my mom told me how she confronted her mom about “this thing you said hurt me” so I did that with my own mom in my dream. I can’t remember now what it was about or how it went tho. EDIT: OK I REMEMBER MORE. I was in New York & looking for a cafe to go pee in & I looked into a cafe & it was full of dogs? Like only dogs sitting on chairs at all the tables. Then I keep walking & make it to my dream version of Chinatown where every dream I have there involves the same tiny shop & restaurant I don’t like. I met up with my parents there & tell my mom about the cafe experience & she goes “oh that must be that new dog cafe!”

3/9 - woke up from a dream where I’d kept hurting loved ones inadvertently. Happy to be awake instead

3/2 - I was going to a cousins wedding (dad’s side) & was riding in the car with a child who was teaching me more functions of tiktok. When we got to the wedding it was also a different cousins birthday so everyone had brought pokemon costumes to change into after the wedding. Except I didn’t know everyone had made pokemon outfits so I just had my stupid suit!

2/19 - very long in depth dream about traveling for work but I was losing my voice & I kept having too many bags to carry. I had brought a mini dishwasher with me (?) & the dream ended when we stopped at a school that was selling like stationary & fruit & flowers to fundraise. In the end my suitcase was full of bananas

2/18 - it was eom but with one of my best friends from high school (sean) (not the ones I just saw) & when I arrived late wrapped in blankets, I sat down next to will <3

2/12 - my phone was full of only dick pics & I was accidentally somehow screen sharing onto a movie theater screen

2/8 - college based dreams but it was kind of like a movie. The walk from class back to the dorms involved walking thru a rainforest, climbing sandy hills, etc etc. people kept thinking I was being awful when I was trying to help them thru each part. I didn’t know when or where classes were but had to make that trek a few times per day. Very long & in-depth dream

2/4 - various dreams, first was that i kept making myself dinner & my dad kept eating it. & it was his birthday? but he had his own food is the point. He would scrape everything off my plate & add his own sauce to my food so that I wouldn’t eat it. in my dream i’m screaming & kicking until i wake up in real life kicking & screaming — always happens lately when i dream about my dad, waking up screaming at him. That sucks. & thru writing this, i’ve forgotten what my other dream was

?? - idr what day this was but I dreamt that an enemy of mine (who I think doesn’t like me) actually only acted so rude & hostile bc he was into me. So I end up making out with that enemy

1/5 - I’m sick so sleeping a lot. In some of my dreams I have more tattoos & I’m being told that they’re upside down

1/3 - accidentally slept for 13hrs total. Laid down at 8pm, awake 1-5am, then slept thru all my morning alarms until I got up at 1pm. The only dream I remember is that I was this age in this body & my mom said in front of my family “I expect you to wear a dress to Samantha’s wedding”. Totally out of nowhere & not true to reality like, my mom never made me wear a dress to anything in real life. We had a big fight about it in my dream. Bizarre!

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2024

12/22 - my sleep sched has been off so i’m napping a lot. yday i dreamt about almost getting into many car accidents (as a passenger) but barely not crashing. i also dreamt that we got 1cm of snow & that made me sooo excited

12/16 - it was cool at first to go “oh I’m dreaming again” but I’m already getting tired of these very stressful dreams. I wish I didn’t have to process everything without my own conscious input, I wake up so tense. I tell myself “at least these dreams aren’t about animals being tortured by my loved ones” bc those are the ones that stick in my brain 10yrs later

12-15-24 @ 8:22am

once again woken up thru screaming at my dad in my dream. i went back to sleep after so i don’t remember what it was about. this is so frustrating!

12-10-24 @ 6:10am

woke up from a dream by yelling out loud “i can’t believe you would fucking say that shit to me”. i hate waking myself up thru yelling, heart still pounding, an hour before my alarm. in my dream my dad yelled at me out of nowhere about how disappointed he is in me & my overall work ethic (i worked at the library in my dream?). yelling from the other side of the house that they should fire me, that he’s embarrassed of me, that i should be embarrassed with myself. my mom walks thru my room right after just to comment on my dirty laundry. then my dad comes thru & i can’t even make my words make noise, barely whispering. he has to sit very close to me to hear. i’m shocked & hurt. i say, “you think they should fire me?” he shrugs. i say, “but if you were my boss, you would fire me…” he laughs. i try to say more, i’m mouthing words but no sound will come out. the only way to be heard is by yelling. i scream at him & pound on the bed. i cannot believe his cruelty.

thanks to my brain for trying to process everything going on with my family as well as my own self-judgements. i do sincerely appreciate it even if it’s jarring & inconvenient <3

my dream reminded me also of the time my dad screamed at me to wake up & “do something” — i was living at home for a semester while taking time off college bc i was terminally depressed & failing out. i was sleeping a lot, as depressed people do, but had 2 jobs that were never impacted by it. anyway one day totally out of nowhere, i’m asleep in bed at 11am on my day off, & my dad (who might have been trying to wake me up for a while?) barges into my room & scuh-reams at me, “get up!!! get the fuck up!!!!” as if me being asleep in my bed in the morningtime is inconveniencing him in some way.

thanks brain!

November 2024

My first night visiting my parents, I dreamt I met Kayleigh Rose Amstutz at a house party. We hit it off right away, talking & laughing all night. She invites me to join her at Iowa Pride tomorrow, says I can ride with her & hang out backstage. She says she really likes me, except for the fact that I’ll run off suddenly & she can’t find me. She gives me her number so we can stay in contact, but we’re both pretty fucked up already.

I go to the bathroom excited, can’t believe how well we get along & that she really wants me to join her on tour! As I’m in the bathroom, the house-owner-party-host says everyone’s gotta go. Out now. As I exit the bathroom, thousands of people in large groups are leaving the house & flooding the streets. There’s crowds in every direction & I can’t find Kayleigh. I’m calling her name down every street, check her phone contact: she entered 917-XK!74Bbb. Damn.

I see Tommy Brooks from high school sitting on a ledge. I say Tommy, do you know where Kayleigh went? He goes, James, you DO know who Kayleigh IS, right? I say duh, Tommy, we’ve been talking all night. I say Tommy, if you tell me which street she went down, I’ll suck your dick the next time I see you. He blushes & points in a direction. I say thank you, feeling indebted, hopeful I can find her again. It’s 4 in the morning & we leave for Iowa at 8:30am.

I search a little longer but I can’t find her, she is nowhere. I resign myself to taking the bus home. People are giving me strange looks on the bus, but I get off when my phone tells me to. I look around & I have no clue where I am. Where the fuck am I? It’s almost 5am. I look down & I’m not wearing pants, only a very large t-shirt. Oh, my pants are still in the bathroom at the house party. Damn.

Lost in the city, no pants, no Kayleigh, I soberly take a final bus in the right direction. Go home, go to sleep. When I wake up, I’m excited again. Kayleigh & I had such a great night! & Iowa Pride?! I check my phone & her contact’s not there. I’m back at my parents’ house.